Pennies from Heaven

(Note: Due to technical difficulties, today's column will not appear in an audio version. We hope to resume our regular format, early next week. We regret any inconvenience that may result. Thank you, TB)

Let’s get this straight.

I’m a Christian, first.

An American, second.

A conservative, third.

On all three counts, I am feeling extremely embarrassed by my Republican president, at the moment.

George W. Bush has done many good things since taking office. Rebuilding our military. Taking a strong stand against terrorism. Proposing genuine tax cuts. Providing fetuses with the legal status of unborn children. We cannot overlook or undervalue the early accomplishments of this administration.

But my acid reflux went into overdrive, this weekend, with the revelation of our latest bombing campaign in Afghanistan.

We are actually dropping envelopes, loaded with $100 bills and pictures of George W. Bush over this god-forsaken, Central Asian, terrorist backwater.

This is the work of a fiscal conservative?

These are our tax dollars at work?

Am I missing something here?

Some chowderhead at the State Department, no doubt, figured out we could earn the undying devotion of pardoned Muslim militants by slipping a few bucks into their back pockets (that is, if their robes have back pockets). So, we stash Regis Philbin in the cargo hold of a C-130 and have him drop a few "winnings" over what’s left of the bombed out caves and hovels once populated by the likes of Osama and Sheikh Omar.

Of course, the natives are now scouring the countryside for their share of this direct U.S. "foreign aid" program, even if it means they have to cross the border into Pakistan on their international Easter Egg hunt.

What? Nobody told you? Some of the money got picked up by the wind and kited south into Pakistan?

I kid you not.

I wonder how many of these dollars will find their way into the pockets of Taliban and Al Qaida fighters? Could these federal reserve notes be used to fund the next terrorist attack against the United States? Apparently, our mindless largesse comes with no limitations or stipulations. Let’s not forget. "All is fair in love and Jihad."

And let’s consider the potential domestic Afghan use of these unsolicited "pennies from heaven." Locals can now afford to buy airline tickets for pilgrimages to Mecca and kill the Transportation Minister when their plane misses its departure time. Or they can spend our tax rebate purchasing tickets to a "goodwill" soccer game between Afghans and international peacekeepers and participate in the ensuing riot at the gate.

After all, homicide is the Afghan national pastime.

Yet another current press release from Washington tells us that Peace Corps volunteers are now being sent to Afghanistan to help rebuild the country…again.

Here’s some free advice.

If they want to get out alive, they’d better be carrying some heavy weaponry or plenty of small, white envelopes bearing pictures of George W. Bush and Ben Franklin.

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