Arafat vs. Jackson?  I Want Pay-Per-View!

Welcome to the real world, Jesse.

The Reverend Jackson has been busy for the last 30 or 40 years, shaking down corporations for cash contributions, ministering to the (ahem) needs of his staff members and chasing any TV camera bearing a red light.

It’s no surprise then that Jesse Jackson would be spotted at the international conference on racism in Durbin, South Africa, even after America’s official elite chose to boycott the affair.

When word leaked out that Muslim misfits like Yassir Arafat intended to show up at the forum with anti-Semitic cue cards taped to the sides of their camels, George W. Bush immediately contacted Priceline.com asking for a refund on Colin Powell’s air fare.

Having been bitten once upon a time by his own anti-Semitic insensitivity (remember the time he called New York City "hymie-town?"), the Reverend Jackson apparently figured he could conduct a one-man racial reparations campaign of his own by attempting to right the wrong.

Or (and this is much more likely the case), Jackson could prevent his own black reparations agenda from being derailed and delegates distracted by staying on focus and maintaining the racial purity of the racism conference. Racism was, after all, an issue for African-Americans.

In either case, Jackson would go head to head, one on one with the "godfather of self," Yassir Arafat. Maybe that unrepentant old liar could be redeemed, after all. Jesse Jackson would do his best to reduce the level of Mid-East violence by taming Yassir’s tongue.

Unfortunately, HBO did not offer Friday’s counseling session on pay-per-view. I would even gone so far as to solicit Jeff Goldblum’s assistance in becoming a fly on the wall, just to overhear that sublime conversation.

Following the meeting between the two cagy combatants, the Reverend apparently emerged with a promise secured. Arafat had supposedly promised his American "altar ego" that he would not condemn Israel at the UN racism conference.

And pigs fly.

Well, just hours later, the pigs returned to their vomit. Yassir Arafat was spouting his uniquely venomous brand of Jew-baiting, claiming, "Condemnation of the Israeli occupation and its racist practices and laws, which are based on racism and superiority, is considered today an urgent demand by our people. This brutality and arrogance are moved by a mentality of superiority that practices racism and racial discrimination that adopts ethnic cleansing."

While Jesse Jackson was in the next room wiping egg off his face, a spokesman for Arafat explained the Reverend had been "overzealous" when he promised Arafat would soft peddle his bombast.

Jackson initially did his Senator McCarthy imitation waving what he claimed was a signed document from Arafat promising the pathological Palestinian would not derail the conference by turning it into an anti-Semitic hate-fest. Later, Jackson claimed the document was not signed but would still be honored.

Kind of like that George Tenet/CIA-brokered cease-fire, right Ariel?

In any case, Jackson’s victorious phone call to Colin Powell, trumpeting his diplomatic coup appears to have been highly overstated and totally premature.

This pathetic attempt at diplomacy should send Jesse Jackson a message.

Who says you can’t "con a con?"

But it sends a much more important confirmation to Ariel Sharon, Shimon Peres and anyone considering future negotiations with the Palestinian Authority.

Unless and until someone permanently retires Yassir Arafat’s number, there is no chance for any cease fire, let alone lasting peace, in the Middle East.

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